What I've Learned So Far From A Money Cleanse: I Suck At Investing In Myself

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I’m in week 3 of my Money Cleanse and it’s been eye opening, and not in the ways I thought.

I’d expected to sit down for each class, outline my income and expenses and somehow see that I was spending an absorbent amount on something that brought absolutely no value into my life. Instead jotting down my income and expenses and working through the exercises has helped point out something that is present in all parts of my life.

I have a really hard time investing in myself.

My two biggest forms of collateral at the moment are time and money - both of which I freely give to everyone else and withhold from my everyday.

The exercises from the Money Cleanse are rooted in shifting the spending emotion from one of guilt to one of joy. Honestly it’s the biggest lesson I hope to learn at the end of the fourth week.

I’m a good “in case of emergency” saver already, but a really bad “splurge cause you deserve it” saver.

I want that to change. I want to be able to spend money on myself with the ease that I would do so with others. Part of getting to this point is understanding my finances in more intimate ways and making sure that I clearly outline to myself all of the ways that my “emergency fund” is nicely padded, that all of my bills are paid, and that there is a number left over for things that bring me joy.

Another huge part of getting to this point is the work I think I’ll need to do in therapy. The hard time I have spending on myself is rooted in a lot of uncertainty from growing up. My hope is that by talking about it I’ll be able to find coping mechanisms that make sense for me.

It’s so mind blowing to me how intertwined my approach to finances is with my emotions and other real life factors. In all the ways that exploring this side of things is scary for me, it’s also turning into the biggest gift.