Sunday, Rallying Words Vol. 6

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This week I've prayed for myself more than I maybe ever have. 

I sat in my bathtub and mourned a chapter of my life ending before I had the chance to say goodbye to it. Then I sat on my bed and wondered how long my time in the waiting room will be before I feel myself entrenched in the new chapter. 

I wrote two blog posts on feminism and being in a committed relationship that I don't know when I'll publish. But here's a not-so-subtle reminder that I've been repeating to myself for months, feminism is about choice and so is love. 

I cried real tears at feeling inadequate and dismissed. Then I chased those tears with more tears because this has also been a week of brave and vulnerable moments that propelled me forward with intention. 

I signed up for some classes, I sat down with myself more. I learned to love some of my more jagged traits and challenged myself to learn to share them in a more intimate, considerate way. 

I gave up and then I started again, a lot this week. 

Above all, I respected my humanity this week. 

I learned that it's okay if respecting your humanity sometimes looks like sitting on cold bathroom tile floors while you wait for the skies to open and show you why you've been hurting. It's okay if that hurt makes you feel uncomfortable or makes you question how you ended up on the bathroom floor in the first place. It's okay if the first time you pray, or talk to yourself, is in that moment when you're left no other option but to try to say scary, real things out loud. 

You're a better person when you get up from bathroom floors. (Pretty sure there's a sign somewhere that says this.) Not because anything tangible has changed, truth is life is probably exactly the same then as it was 15 minutes before, but you - as a human being - aren't the same anymore. You've changed yourself. That's what is important to remember. At the end of a good cry is clarity on the ways you need to stay still or the ways you need to act. If you realize anything in the few seconds that it takes to pick yourself up from the bathroom floor it's that it's doable. You picking yourself up, whatever that entails, it's doable.